Friday, May 4, 2007

Trust or Not

I need a little insight from all the ladies and gentleman out there with a bit of common sense and wisdom. Here's the situation.

Mr. X and I exchanged telephone numbers in January of this year, began talking in February and finally went on our first date in March. We've been dating exclusively since March and act as bf and gf even though we haven't verbally said so. I'm not rushing into anything so I'm not interested in firming anything up right now. However, we are very much into one another and could see ourselves marrying one another. We've had many hard conversations already about sex, honesty, AIDS, FICO scores, children, geographic location, religion, etc. We're so into each other that we have no problem laying all this out in order to build a solid foundation.

Mr. X has that look. You know.. That look that a lot of women go for. He's the type of guy you'll pick out of a crowd, say "DAMN!" and do your best to flirt with and slide your number to. With that said, Mr. X has had quite a few sexual partners in his past (like many guys). In some of our discussions, it has come out that Mr. X used to talk to a few women at a time...have a woman come over, have sex with her, and then want her to leave, etc. He basically told me that he was only interested in one thing, mainly because none of these women have been "the one". So in essence, he was a player, a dog, disrespectful to women (perhaps they were disrespecting themselves too), etc. You know.. the normal way men are when they're out there sowing their wild oats and being young and experimental. At least that's how I see it. He doesn't think he was a dog. He thinks he was just young, doing what a lot of young men do. I hear him on that, but I'ma still call him a dog. We'll just have to agree to disagree on that.

So here's the issue. Of course he's saying all the right things - he's not interested in talking to anyone else, I have all his attention, there's no one else out there for him, etc. He's sincere. That much I can tell. I'm not stupid so I can definitely vouch for him. There are clear, solid actions behind those words. He's already called past females and told them not to call him, he's given me the keys to his place, he's met my mom and dad, he chooses to spend his every waking minute with me... But I have to question something. How can a guy sleep with a whole bunch of girls within such close proximity to us getting together and then all of a sudden turn around and not do it anymore - like a complete on and off switch. (Remember, we began speaking in February, which is also the same month in which he had his most recent sexual encounter.) He said something about my affect on him, which I buy. I mean I know the stories of dogs who one day meet the woman of their dreams and don't want to be dogs anymore. But is that truly possible? This turning over a new leaf? Now... all of a sudden... at the drop of a hat, you're no longer this dog that you used to be? I'm a female so I don't know but don't guys have to work themselves out of that? Doesn't it take time? Or does it truly just stop with the right person? Then I start asking myself why should I be special? Why should I be the one he respects all of a sudden? But then that means that I'm discounting my worth which I don't want to do.

So what do you guys think? Is there a transition period that men have to go through or can they just turn it off? Can I trust right off the bat considering his past? Are past's truly important?

Male opinions will be extremely valuable.

Thanks in advance.

Ms. Trust-or-Not

10 comments:

Shai said...

It is too soon to say. Take your time REALLY getting to know him. Don't put stock in just his words or his few actions. I have learned to give a person four seasons (a whole year) to see the real person. Sometimes it takes a shorter time.

If he has a sexual encounter in Feb and now he is seeing you wait to see how he is over the next season (the end of summer). You need time to see how he really is.

T.C. said...

I think its really about the time, not in time as in days..but time in the connection...people can be together for years and NOT be the one, its all about the connection and the feelings, and his past is his past, it is what it is...its about what YOU TWO share, his test results and how you feel...

now don't get me wront, keep your eyes and ears open, and pay attention, and if there is a flag, go with your instinct, but if he didn't want you to know the real deal, then he wouldn't have told you, he wouldn't have laid it all out, including the encounter in Feb...

so I am not saying not to trust, but don't NOT trust until he shows that he isn't trust worthy

dc_speaks said...

wow...excellent post. I have said this a few times recently. I was mR wrong and Mr right Now for lots of women.

I met my current fiancee and I went cold turkey.

everyone is different..search his heart for the true intentions and then flat out ask him to put up or shut up.

thats my two cents. I disagree with Shai, but I still love her like lil sistah or something like that

Honey-Libra said...

I think that some men can cut off quicker than others and if he really wasn't vested in then then it was easy for him to tell them to leave him alone...of course men are more unemotional than...I think you just have to wait and see how he acts in the next couple of weeks and months.

B_More BAP Life said...

I definitely feel that everyone needs a little down time before the big transition..atleast to feel it out for a minute.

Thanks for sharing!

Steve said...

Once a dog, always a dog. Don't forget it. Once you become "old hat" someone else will look good and he'll be steppin out. That's just how it is.

Ebonne said...

I have a lot of guy friends and most of them say that they know within the first week of meeting someone whether or not they are the type of women they can see themselves with for the rest of their life. It takes a good woman to change a guy without even trying so congrats... and I wish you two the best.

Anonymous said...

From Karl ivory

Its Easy. Once you find what you want. You can drop what you everything else. Have you ever seen a little kid play with his toys. He will play with one at a time, or a few a time. Get bored with them and move on to the next toy. But once he finds that special toy, there is nothing anyone can do to stop him from playing with it. So think about your favorite toy growing up, be it a doll, a blanket, whatever. Out of all the toys you had in your toy box, there was one that you couldnt live without

Motorcycle Fairings said...

steve is right! once a dog will always be a dog

garden decorations said...

@motorcycle fairings i attest to that!