Tuesday, November 20, 2007

A Gold Digger or a Realist?

She's in love. She's been in love for less than a year, but nevertheless she's head over heels in love. Things are moving along and they've bonded together unlike any other relationship in the past. They've begin to talk about a future marriage and are excited about the prospect of being together for the rest of their life's. So being that emotions and ideals are developing at a rapid rate, they start to make dreams into reality and discuss pre-marital issues. Wedding plans, children, household chores, medical records, goals, passions, expectations, etc. Alls going according to plan until they get to the issue of money. With the market being as poor as it is, his income is hit in a severe way and payments aren't being made. His credit score has dropped to a low rating, bill collectors are calling, his house is in foreclosure and his second car is on the verge of being repossessed. Although he's deep into the hole, he's regained his compsoure, and like a man, has begun to work on his affairs. She admires his strength, his calm and his work ethic, but thinks it best to put wedding talk into the background. Knowing he's not ready for marriage, she decides to wait for him to get his financial situation together and tells him so. Being as in love as he is, he wants to get married regardless of his situation. He tries to explain to her how things used to be and that after his slump, things will never be this desperate again. She wants to get married as well, but sees it too risky to tie the knot before viewing his progress. She expresses her desire to need a financially secure marriage while he gets upset believing that she doesn't trust him. Everytime they talk about finances and marriage, the conversation goes south. He tells her that money won't make her happy and that he needs someone who will stand by him in the good AND bad times. He's in love with her and doesn't want this to interefere with their relationship. He KNOWS that he'll be able to take care of her and a family, but she has yet to see him successfully take care of himself. Things are getting worse as emotions heighten and he thinks she's looking for a man with a lot of money. She's offended by his accusations and feels like he's calling her a gold digger. She wants to be right there and make the commitment, but realizes that no promises/vows have been exchanged. They both want to stay together knowing that this fiancial impediment will vanish as the market comes out of its recession. They believe in building worth and wealth together. There's too much love, honesty, communication, chemistry, respect and good qualities to let go. (P.S. He recently got his house out of foreclosure and has closed a respectable amount of deals in the last 2 months, so progress IS evident.)

What should they do? Should she put her faith in him and jump the broom? Should he be offended by her hesitancy? Should she be offended by his accusations? Is she making the right decision by giving him time to straighten out his matters? Is she putting too much emphasis on what he has or doesn't have?