A Gold Digger or a Realist?

She's in love. She's been in love for less than a year, but nevertheless she's head over heels in love. Things are moving along and they've bonded together unlike any other relationship in the past. They've begin to talk about a future marriage and are excited about the prospect of being together for the rest of their life's. So being that emotions and ideals are developing at a rapid rate, they start to make dreams into reality and discuss pre-marital issues. Wedding plans, children, household chores, medical records, goals, passions, expectations, etc. Alls going according to plan until they get to the issue of money. With the market being as poor as it is, his income is hit in a severe way and payments aren't being made. His credit score has dropped to a low rating, bill collectors are calling, his house is in foreclosure and his second car is on the verge of being repossessed. Although he's deep into the hole, he's regained his compsoure, and like a man, has begun to work on his affairs. She admires his strength, his calm and his work ethic, but thinks it best to put wedding talk into the background. Knowing he's not ready for marriage, she decides to wait for him to get his financial situation together and tells him so. Being as in love as he is, he wants to get married regardless of his situation. He tries to explain to her how things used to be and that after his slump, things will never be this desperate again. She wants to get married as well, but sees it too risky to tie the knot before viewing his progress. She expresses her desire to need a financially secure marriage while he gets upset believing that she doesn't trust him. Everytime they talk about finances and marriage, the conversation goes south. He tells her that money won't make her happy and that he needs someone who will stand by him in the good AND bad times. He's in love with her and doesn't want this to interefere with their relationship. He KNOWS that he'll be able to take care of her and a family, but she has yet to see him successfully take care of himself. Things are getting worse as emotions heighten and he thinks she's looking for a man with a lot of money. She's offended by his accusations and feels like he's calling her a gold digger. She wants to be right there and make the commitment, but realizes that no promises/vows have been exchanged. They both want to stay together knowing that this fiancial impediment will vanish as the market comes out of its recession. They believe in building worth and wealth together. There's too much love, honesty, communication, chemistry, respect and good qualities to let go. (P.S. He recently got his house out of foreclosure and has closed a respectable amount of deals in the last 2 months, so progress IS evident.)

What should they do? Should she put her faith in him and jump the broom? Should he be offended by her hesitancy? Should she be offended by his accusations? Is she making the right decision by giving him time to straighten out his matters? Is she putting too much emphasis on what he has or doesn't have?

Is Text Messaging "Gay" or is it really Just a "Booty Call"

I just finished talking to a male friend of mine and we were having a conversation about a few things. Nonetheless, he told me that guys who text women are "gay."

Now...he & I went back & forth about this issue and he said that if a female text a guy, then he is cleared to text her back BUT...if a guy uses his way of communicating to a female or male for that matter by way of texting, he's suspect(lol).

The crazy thing is...he was dead serious. His philosophy is guys are too impatient to be waiting for a reply for a text from some chick, if they need to speak with her, he will call her...he truly believes this form of communicating as it pertains to a male is gay....as he puts it, "women can do the text messaging stuff and males under the age of 18 are excused as well but a grown man does not have a need to be texting no dam* body"...LOL...I'm curious to hear what u have to say.

READ the comments - some guys responded saying that they only text because its a booty call...

Ok everybody - this one was sent via email - I don't even know what to call this joint...but the responses we've gotten have been hilarious...truly. Post your comments and we'll make sure the person in need sees them...

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For my friend's birthday, I treated him to a pedicure, manicure and lunch. Not including his birthday, thelast 3 times I've seen him, I have paid forlunch/dinner.

The other night, we went to Outback andI had to pay for my own meal as well as the last timeI was at his house. He's acting cheap and that's not good. This is one thing that bothers me about him. BTW: he lives at home, makes as much if not more thanI do and has no dependants.He doesn't want to drive: whenever I come to hishouse, he sometimes asks who is driving. I think thatsince I came to see him (and I pay tolls to do so) he should at least drive esp. considering that chance sare I'll be buying my own meal. I usually let him drive my car but why do I have to burn my gas and he doesn't.

Sometimes I don't mind driving cause his vehicle reminds me of Christine (an old movie about a haunted car), no matter what folk do to it, it keeps right on running. Lastly, he is not a good conversationalist. If I start talking about something that he doesn't understand, he either ignores me or tries to change the subject.

No disrespect what soever (cause I'm not the smarter than a fifth grader myself), but I'm wondering if he was slow in school due to a learning disability. If so, this would explain a lot of things. Occasionally, he'll say I don't follow you. He has not once attempted to find out what I'm looking for in a man, what are my needs, wants or desires are or even better why I haven't committed to a relationship w/him. This is strange but he slept in my bed the other night w/his clothes on and that's fine but I thought atleast he'd try to get a kiss goodnight or a hug. I'm not wondering if he's gay but I am wondering if all his manly facilities are in working order.

He doesn'tappear to have a romantic bone in his body. How boring...What I do like about him? Well, his mom is absolutely wonderful and is as sweet as can be, he is a goodfriend, he's respectful, he's helpful, playful, good company most times, a hard worker, and a good listenermost times.

Trust or Not

I need a little insight from all the ladies and gentleman out there with a bit of common sense and wisdom. Here's the situation.

Mr. X and I exchanged telephone numbers in January of this year, began talking in February and finally went on our first date in March. We've been dating exclusively since March and act as bf and gf even though we haven't verbally said so. I'm not rushing into anything so I'm not interested in firming anything up right now. However, we are very much into one another and could see ourselves marrying one another. We've had many hard conversations already about sex, honesty, AIDS, FICO scores, children, geographic location, religion, etc. We're so into each other that we have no problem laying all this out in order to build a solid foundation.

Mr. X has that look. You know.. That look that a lot of women go for. He's the type of guy you'll pick out of a crowd, say "DAMN!" and do your best to flirt with and slide your number to. With that said, Mr. X has had quite a few sexual partners in his past (like many guys). In some of our discussions, it has come out that Mr. X used to talk to a few women at a time...have a woman come over, have sex with her, and then want her to leave, etc. He basically told me that he was only interested in one thing, mainly because none of these women have been "the one". So in essence, he was a player, a dog, disrespectful to women (perhaps they were disrespecting themselves too), etc. You know.. the normal way men are when they're out there sowing their wild oats and being young and experimental. At least that's how I see it. He doesn't think he was a dog. He thinks he was just young, doing what a lot of young men do. I hear him on that, but I'ma still call him a dog. We'll just have to agree to disagree on that.

So here's the issue. Of course he's saying all the right things - he's not interested in talking to anyone else, I have all his attention, there's no one else out there for him, etc. He's sincere. That much I can tell. I'm not stupid so I can definitely vouch for him. There are clear, solid actions behind those words. He's already called past females and told them not to call him, he's given me the keys to his place, he's met my mom and dad, he chooses to spend his every waking minute with me... But I have to question something. How can a guy sleep with a whole bunch of girls within such close proximity to us getting together and then all of a sudden turn around and not do it anymore - like a complete on and off switch. (Remember, we began speaking in February, which is also the same month in which he had his most recent sexual encounter.) He said something about my affect on him, which I buy. I mean I know the stories of dogs who one day meet the woman of their dreams and don't want to be dogs anymore. But is that truly possible? This turning over a new leaf? Now... all of a sudden... at the drop of a hat, you're no longer this dog that you used to be? I'm a female so I don't know but don't guys have to work themselves out of that? Doesn't it take time? Or does it truly just stop with the right person? Then I start asking myself why should I be special? Why should I be the one he respects all of a sudden? But then that means that I'm discounting my worth which I don't want to do.

So what do you guys think? Is there a transition period that men have to go through or can they just turn it off? Can I trust right off the bat considering his past? Are past's truly important?

Male opinions will be extremely valuable.

Thanks in advance.

Ms. Trust-or-Not

SPRINKLE ME OR NOT?

I am a 30 year old woman who lives in the Maryland area. I have been in a committed relationship with a nice guy for almost a year now. Let me give you some much needed background –

We've dated for a sometime before we became intimate with one another. It just always seemed like he wanted to wait. Which in this day and age, was a good thing.

The first time was ok. I mean it wasn't the best I had...but I made the best of it. We both participated in oral sex BUT, he said that he didn’t really like to do it,…it just wasn’t his jump off.

(I know what you’re thinking: and NO, it wasn’t smelly lol – he just said oral didn’t get him off)

To be honest, he just didn't seem to be into sex that much you know?

We had stopped having sex for a while..I thought it was me at first…but he blamed his job, lack of time, etc.

But he insisted it wasn’t’ me…So since we hadn't been intimate in a while, he decided that we'd go out to dinner and get a nice hotel room (I guess to change the scenery and spice up the bedroom a lil' bit)

That night was really nice; we were all over each other. It was just the type of attention I needed from him. Remember, he didn’t seem to be that much into sex…so this type of action was new but welcomed…So were making love and its great and he says to me?

"I'm ready to bust baby" and I'm like “yes...come on daddy” and he pulls out, stands up over me and lets loose on my breast...

But what I thought to be "nut" landed on my breast...ended up feeling like an abundance of warm water with an awful but familiar odor...

When I came to my senses - I realized that it was Urine. Yes, my man pissed on me. Right on my face and breast...the entire bed was full of urine that had rolled off of my body...

Of course - I almost lost it. I thought I was going to have to be placed in a Sheppard Pratt facility after this one.

He immediately apologized and said that he didn't know he was about to urinate he thought he had to "nut" but urine came out accidentally.

HE begged me not to tell anybody and apologized repeatedly.

I forgave him, but part of me isn't buying this. I thought men knew the difference between "nutting" and "pissing" you know?

My best friend told me that she believes that he has a fetish for "Golden Showers" and just didn't know how to tell me. I think he wasn't sure if I'd be down with that type of fetish.

I think that this explains why he was never into "sex" that much...I'm fully convinced that he waited for the right opportunity to perform this horrible act to see if I'd be ok with it. And when he realized I wouldn't be, he flipped it and said it was an accident.

Is this a case of a man who just didn't know? Or was this a classic R. Kelly move?

Please help - I'm going crazy over here...

Sincerely,
Ms. Golden Showers? Or Climaxx gone wrong

#1

I'm a single, educated, and attractive mother of a beautiful 8 year old daughter. I’ve had my share of mis-haps in the relationship department. I’ve dealt with the break ups to make ups, long-term relationships, cheating, lying and then some.

For many years – I’ve also wanted to find a SINGLE (NOT MARRIED) black man that was hard working, Christian, dependable, upright and above all things – HONEST.
Honesty is and has been very important to me. Especially when it comes to relationships. I’ve always wanted a guy to just tell me the truth. You know?

Well – what I’m going thru right now gives a true meaning to the old phrase:

Be careful what you wish or ask for…

I’m dating a SINGLE 29 year old father of 1 of one. We hit it off the first time we laid eyes on each other. We are and have been inseparable since then. We talk on the phone morn, noon, night. We make each other laugh; we’ve even supported each other thru hard times in this short dating period.

But most importantly, he seemingly has all of the qualities that I’d like to have in a mate – God fearing, Smart, honest, sensitive, funny, driven, successful business owner, hard working, great father, not to mention – he’s got a great body and is sexy as hell.


But there is one thing – He’s too honest. (Crazy right?)

The first night we talked on the phone – he told me that he wasn’t looking for a relationship (neither am I? – Right? lol) and that he enjoyed being single and doing his thing.

So a couple of days later - I him asked what he meant by doing his thing – he said, “Dating whom ever I want when I want. Just being free. I know I’m not ready to be committed to one person. I’m just not ready”

So me, being the inquisitive person that I am asked, “So who are you seeing?” He responded, “Well, I still kick it with my baby mother sometimes and I have other friends that I see too”

I asked, “Are you hitting baby mother too?”
He answers, “Yes, here and there”

So I ask, being nosey “when was the last time you hit?”

Dude is like, “last Tuesday”

So of course – I’m totally blown right? LOL

Cause I don’t’ want to “knowingly” go behind anybody you know? And most importantly – I’m very competitive; I surely don’t want to be number 2 or some wack shi…like that. I want to know that I have a fair chance to lock that thang down – you feel me? Lol

But seriously – after finding that stuff out, I just can’t bring myself to move forward or get closer to him because I know he’s seeing other people. And it’s taking its toll – he knows I’m pulling away from him…and he doesn’t like it.

But I’m thinking – we as women deal with this every day. WE SHARE OUR MEN - There are thousands of guys out here that we’re dating openly and exclusively and they aren’t telling us a damn thing about what they are really doing. But your boy is being honest….you know?

I really like dude. I wanna get to know him better and he wants the same….and I also wanna give him the work (booty) lol – and I think I caught semi-feelings (well maybe its LUST, I won’t know till after I hit it…) lol

But the point is – I can’t get over the fact that I know he’s out here screwing and seeing other women? He actually told me the truth – and this is what I thought I wanted, but now I’m holding it against him.

I came to him with my concerns and he said to me– “your response is exactly why men will continue to cheat and lie for years. Ya’ll say you want an honest brother, but when we give it to your straight no chaser, you don’t like it. And then you push us away. This is exactly why we lie”

What should I do? Should I call it quits? Or how can I deal with my feelings or change my mind set to move forward with dude???

Please Help,
Ms. "Truth Hurts" - But will it set me Free?